Reflections...

Been taking things slower now... Trying to see things from a higher point of view... Helping to fine tune the ppl around me, who are open to my discipleship... N at the same time, working on my weak areas. Finding feedback from my leaders to improve myself. This process doesnt stop. If it stops or even slows down, it means my heart has grown cold... I pray that this will nvr happen... Like Qi, I got to guard my heart and mind... Doesnt mean that being church for a longer period of time means that I am shielded from all these temptations... Yep...

I went for the morning pm at HOG just now... Reached late, but the whole place was full.... Very nice place, but too small to contain everyone of us... I was standing but I really dun mind... The presence of God was so strong... So easy to get into the presence of God... I was weeping before God... Tears just kept flowing like beyond control.. I met Dev n we prayed for the CG... Can feel that she shares the burden... I pray that more ppl can rise up n be responsible, loving and the whole CG be united... Met a few other leaders there n some friends... Chatted with them n it was great fellowship... Spoke to Kelvin Chua, Rachael, Weemin, Khen Theen (my 1st CGL - a very inspiring man), Pst Tan! Yep, he asked me abt the PM on his way out of the hall. Saw Pst Zhuang, Pst Audrey and Pst Aries as well... Looking at them, it's like looking at a group of ppl who have grown up in the Lord together, closest of friends... I pray that next time when our youths have all started working, we will still see each other in church, and meet up once in a while, all still planted and doing their part for the house of God...

Went for breakfast with Dev at Delifrance then we parted at 10... Hahha... But it was great time spent together... I pray that the things I shared with her, she'll remember and begin to work on them...

Then took a bus to airport and on the way, I was observing the ppl ard me... Quite interesting... I think God's presence has taken away all the fatigue... Yep yep...

Going to meet Rach later... Miss her much... Havent seen her for some time le... I think we'll have fun later... Hahaha...

Was just chatting with Xing on the phone last nite... He just came back from MISSIONS!!! Hahaha... He's indeed a changed man... From the day I 1st saw him in SAJC... Wahahaha....

Was just telling Devina that we've been together for almost a month!!! We came together in Oct... So abt 10 months le... Time really flies... N the dynamics of the CG has changed much too... Ppl have joined, ppl have left... Ppl have stagnanted, ppl have grown... But in all these, God is still in control. He's the God of all, He reigns... I feel that for myself... These coming few months left in this year is a time of shaping up the ppl... I'm going to enlarge my capacity... Not just the ppl in my connect group... But in the whole CG... N in my ministry... I want to help you to be a member of the church... Or at least ur character gets better, ur attitude towards things to improve...

I'm going to do my part in this CG... So if I call up ur ppl n disciple them... Dun get angry with me k? If u dun like it, let me know... I'll leave those ppl under ur care alone... If you want me to help, let me know... I'll pray abt it n see who is willing to be discipled... Now is not a slacking time... It's a time of sowing, working... For those exam ppl, ur need to fight the zzzzzzzz monster, the spirit of lethargy, complancency, laziness, tiredness, arrogance... Study hard n shine for God... Ur future is in your OWN hands... Dun blame others if you dun do well... You got to take responsibility for ur own actions...

Just read Jan's blog... He quoted from Pst Mark Conner's 2nd day msg... Maturity doesnt come with age... It comes with responsibility... So to become matured, you GOT TO take on responsibility... And one who has been proven to be faithful will be given more... So avail urself as the 1st time... There are tons of things to be done. If you want to help and got nothing to do, let me know... I'll find for u... AS every member begins to avail themselves, the CG is bound to grow... So EVERYONE plays a part... STOP SLACKING WILL YOU??? BUT... If you're not willing, it's ok... Dun need to do things with a 'forced' attitude... There are many more willing ppl out there... I read somewhere in the bible that God uses willing ppl not able ppl... If you're willing and not able, God will make you able... But if you're able but not willing, God will not use you... So I pray for more and more willing ppl... Willing to go all the way for God... ALL the WAY... ALL the WAY... ALL... ALL... Are u one such person??? Look into ur heart and ask urself...

Addition to wishlist...

Oh ya, I need a new pair of sunglass!!! Yeah... Wanted to get a pair from BKK, but Ken says sunglass muz get good ones, to protect the eyes from the rays... So cannot get those fake kind... Later I go blind... Hahaha... Yeah, so I want a new pair of sunglass. The pair I using now is from Lillian, years back... Yep, treasured it much, but guess things will wear n tear... Oh ya, I dun like flimsy sunglass... Adidas one like not much support, I wore Ken's before... Dun like the feel... I prefer his oakley pair which his bro bought for him from Aust... Yeah...

So 3 things I can think of now...
1. sunglass
2. PSP with min 8gb memory card wif games n protective case
3. new hp... (yet to decide which one)

I'll continue thinking and adding... No need new bible, just got one last year... Hmmmmm... Dun mind SOT books, but dunno if going next year or next next year or next next next year ... ... ... Hmmmmmm, dunno if the syllabus will change... Hahaha...

Oh ya, clothes from Skin n ed hardy... Dun mind more of these... Hahaha...

I wanna lose some weight... Then I can showcase the clothes nicer... Hahaha...

My new nokia hp...

I wanna get a good phone... Hmmmmmm... More functions so that i can spend time exploring my hp... 2 years... so better have more things to play with... Hahaha...

Was just browsing the nokia website... E66 looks good... Not much details on N96. Think cos it's not here yet... So thinking between E66 and N96... Think wait for N96 to come out then can compare the prices and then look at the specifications...

And I cant get a new hp til end of Sep... So now it's just waiting and researching time ba... Let me know if you know of any feedbacks from ppl using E66 or N96 kk? Hee... Thanks...

Wishlist

I was out with Jean... Then she mentioned that our bdays are coming soon... Actually not so soon la... But well, it's nvr to early to start thinking of bday presents... Hahaha.... I wan a PSP... I keep snatching from Ken... It's hard to share... He keeps playing fighting games while I prefer puzzle games... Oh ya, a fully loaded PSP with a casing... Muz be specific... I'm not so particular abt colour... Hahaha... A large memory stick ==> > than 8gb...

Hmmmmm, what else... Dun really need shoes, accessories, bags... I have lots... Clothes... dun mind ed hardy ones... but it's not a top priority...

Let's see... I want a driving licence... And then a car... Hahaha... Instalments paid for... Hmmmmm... And a HDB flat... I not greedy, 4-room can le... But muz be high floor!!! Hahaha... N nice view if possible... And windy... yep... Dear was visualising it that day, he's just so cute... Hahaha...

Ok, what else... Hmmmm... My CPA... Seems like all these except the 1st one is quite unobtainable as presents for me... Hahaha... Oh ya... I want a hp... A new hp... NOKIA one... But havent decided on the model, cos my contract nt up yet... So didnt bother looking at it...

Think contract ending at the end of the year, last few days of Dec, but think 18 mth can renew and get new hp le... So just nice, end sep... Yep... So help me look out ya? I wanna good one... It's going to last me for another 2 years man... Was thinking of N96, but it's not out yet... So dunno what's it's like... Hahaha... Ya lo, so I want more gadget things... Dun really need iPod... Cos I got my receiever... Still works perfectly well... Amazing... Think I bought it in JC2... Hahaha...

Lent xing my spare hp, so had to find alt radio for my journey to office, if not i'll be bus sick by the time i reach office... so i'll listen to gelnn n fd on the way to work... And i'll sleep... yep... somehow, God will wake me up just in time for me to alight...

Movies movies and more movies...

Yep... I've been catching quite a number of movies recently... Hmmmmm... The bank job, red cliff 1, money no enough 2 and the mummy...

all quite nice except the ending to red cliff is a little disappointing? Yep... Caught money with dear on mon nite, mummy on tue nite... no movies today... cos going for bs...

I wanna do so much more things, but feel so restricted, so constrainted. Dunno why I have such feeling...

This is just a random post, not cos I'm too free, but I feel very confused... Hmmmmm... I dunno, it just feels weird... Hahaha...

Recently, there are lots of ppl who resigned... I wonder why I am still around... Hahaha... maybe that's why I feel so confused and so restrained... But i think I better stay put for now... Cos it's not time yet... This period of waiting is really quite intoxicating... Unbearable at times... I just hope it'll be over soon... Let time fly faster, faster... 2nd week into my secondment...

Things are going to change soon... Lots of things before the end of the year... This is getting a little uncontrollable and I dun like the feeling of losing control... But well, think sometimes we just have to let go and let God ba... Haiz... This feeling... Ok nvm, whining doesnt help... Just face it, qin! I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me... God is with me, who can be against me?! Yeah!!!

Fear not, for I am with you...

My dear is employed!!! Yeah... We've gone through another phase together... He blogged abt his feelings after he didnt get the job... Hmmmm... Interesting... Extracted a portion of it... Hahaha...

"I must confess something that the moment I decided to give that up, I was able to step into love with Huiqin again. Yea, we're in love but I always had some reservations as I didn't want my departing in the future due to the nature of work to be a big blow to her. it's like not daring to love someone cos you know that you have limited time. You dun want to build it up just to see it falling down. Well, after making the decision, I dared to love 100%. That's one major and immediate difference."

Yeah, so we're more in love now... Hmmmmm... Hahaha... Praying that we'll get the house, an ideal unit... If you can see it, you can have it... I believe n see it...

I remember that time after I graduated, I also took quite long to find a permanent job. I was doing temp here and there... Before I started my audit life in Oct... Time has flown... Dear has graduated and was at the same cross-road as me. I realised that as long as you enjoy ur job, it's no longer a chore or painful thing to go thru... So I know that Dear will do well and have fun there... As I look forward to another phase of our lives, I know that more changes will come before the year is up. But in all things, I will always remember that God is in control. Thus there is no need to be gan chiong spiders... It doesnt help... Fret no, and trust God... "Fear not, for I am with you... "

Submitting & Obeying... Teachability

This season of my life now is a little uncontrollable... Things are happening so fast... Hmmmmm.... But I know that this is like the 2nd half of the year already... And this is the year of enlargement for me... So things need to happen so that I can really expand my capacity... No time already, so muz faster come and so that I can stretch myself more... And after this year i will nvr be the same again... Able to cope with the stress and workload... I pray that I can do them well...

Recently i heard about some people whom I've discipled before and worked with being unwilling to change, unwilling to try out new things. I feel so sad... I know we all like to live in our comfort zone, but sometimes this is simply not the best thing to do. I pray that I will nvr come to a point where I am unwilling to change. I always remember Heb 13:17 Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you. Shaun shared this with me... I was so blessed by it and I always remember it and make it my aim to do this...

And I pray that my disciples will always remain teachable... STOP reasoning and defending yourself!!! Just change la, if not spend time to ponder over it. Why do you keep defending yourself?! If you dun want my advice, then dun put urself under my care. Cos I am accountable for your every action... Haiz... Why cant you make my life easier...

Ok... I see the pict now... God is expaning my capacity... Putting thorns into my life for me to overcome them... I will endure and survive... I will... And I am willing... ARGH!!!